Memories Left Behind
by werechick
Summary: (FEMSLASH: Narcissa/Lily) It's four years ago today. Four short years in which so many things have changed. The sun rose, giving life to all of creation, growing every plant, giving birth to every creature; displaying to me its wonder for the first ti


It's four years ago today. Four short years in which so many things have changed. The sun rose, giving life to all of creation, growing every plant, giving birth to every creature; displaying to me its wonder for the first time. The sun rose in all of the colors of the rainbow, from the black of midnight sky to purple, red, orange, yellow... everything, finally settling on a peaceful bluish green, almost the color of your eyes. I opened my eyes that day, and saw the beautiful woman standing before me, where only days earlier I had seen my best friend. You were my friend, you were my lover. The two are one and the same.

That day, you were sweet sixteen, pure and innocent like freshly fallen snow. You had never even kissed a boy. You sung pop songs at the top of your lungs, unafraid of what the others might say. The others didn't know it, but you wrote your own songs too.

It was late December, and snow covered the ground in a thick blanket, as if to shelter the perfect blossoms in their breast. The cold protects their weak bodies, but in doing so, kills them. It reminds me of us. My indifference shielded you, and then sacrificed you to Lucius' will.

You were crying then, tears running down your face freely and without inhibition. Myself, I had been trained by my strict father not to cry, it was undignified and not an action fit for a pure blood such as I.

"Stop crying," I commanded as he had commanded me. My order only made you cry harder. I couldn't let myself be the one who made you cry. I told the truth, hoping to cheer you up. "You're much prettier smiling, you know."

"I'm not pretty."

"Yes you are."

"You don't understand, Narcissa... I've never even been kissed. How can a beautiful girl be sixteen without a single kiss?"

I couldn't answer you. I didn't know what to say. The words came to me. "Lily, someone will kiss you, I am sure."

"Narcissa... would you kiss me?" you asked, blushing. "I... mean just to see what it's like, of course."

My heart skipped a beat. "Yes..."

You moved a few inches closer. I moved a few inches closer. My knees felt as if they would give out, and I sat down. You joined me, face mere centimeters from my own. We moved closer, noses touching. All was deathly silent. You took the final move forward, our lips touching. For a moment, my mind went blank as I eased my tongue into your mouth. It was subconscious, a reflex that made heaven stand still, and the angels watch a beauty far greater than anything in heaven. This was heaven.

We sat there a moment, thinking about nothing else. Your tongue was all that existed, your warm mouth a palace fit for the Gods themselves. We pulled away, gasping for breath. Neither of us said a word that day.

For days, we could not so much as breathe a word to each other, it was just too... awkward. The more time we spent not talking, the more awkward it would be. I knew that. You knew that. Still, not a word was said.

For days, I lay on my bed, meditating on that day, the day heaven itself stood still, even as carolers sang of Jesus and Mary. They sang on as I cried myself to sleep, knowing you'd never feel the same way as I did. "Silent night, holy night... all is calm, all is bright," indeed.

I picked up my quill. Examining it, I briefly debated the merit of it as the instrument of my death. The thought was pushed out of my head instantly with the memory of your face. I meant it; you're beautiful, inside and out.

I wrote quickly, knowing if I slowed down, I'd never be able to write what I feel, instead I would write what I thought you wanted to hear.

I wrote it all in a few brief minutes, the quill dancing across the page in beautiful circles as my tongue had danced around yours. Finished, I stepped back and read my own letter. I crumpled it up, incinerating it with my wand.

Words aren't enough. They've never been enough. They'll never be enough.

Days later, it was you who spoke first. You whispered it, repeating it three times, making sure there was no misunderstanding. "I love you. I love you, Narcissa. I love you, Narcissa Rosewood."

I couldn't speak. The words remained trapped in my throat. Without saying a word, I kissed you. You kissed me back. All was well on Christmas night.

For two years, our love affair was a secret. We kept it that way because it was the only way it could be, your family would kill me, and mine would kill both of us.

At night, when everyone else was asleep, I'd think about you, think about us. We'd go somewhere after graduation, we'd leave this hellhole behind. I wouldn't marry that Malfoy like my parents wanted me to. I'd marry you. We'd live forever and ever, together. When the sunrise crept above the horizon, you would no longer have to leave my side. No one would catch us. We would be ourselves; I would love you, and you would love me.

The dream was so beautiful, I wish I had never woken up. But I did, and all I have left are wisps of the memory.


End file.
